Erica's Soap Box

Fall Cleaning

2010-10-21T19:32:00.000-07:00

There's something about the change of seasons that makes me want to clean house. I re-arranged the furniture last weekend. Surprisingly it took much less time than normal. It usually ends up being a whole weekend stretched into two weeks, lingering sort of ordeal. This time it literally took me a few hours. Must be because I decided to leave the book cases where they were. I've also decided to clean house on some books! For those of you who are familiar with my obsession, I went through and have cleared out about 250 books. I've decided to really take a close look at some of the author's that I've never read to see if I can free up some space. I'm trying to keep the thought that I want to focus on English and Literature as a major and will need to start reading some of those kinds of books. There's just not enough time to read all the books I own. I'm also finding that my tastes are changing a little.

New Computer

2010-10-07T21:12:00.000-07:00

I've been a bad, bad girl about posting. Now that I have a job and am going to school I have no time. Not that its an excuse, but it is what it is. I picked up my new computer tonight, which I have been waiting, like FOREVER for. I'm so excited I just had to share it. I would like to get back in the habit of writing here. One of my new classes is a Fiction Writing class. Its really been stimulating my creative juices and I'm excited to be having ideas again.

Technology Hates Me

2009-08-03T21:19:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure why I have so many issues with technological things but I do. I picked up a computer out of the trash a couple months ago. I know what that sounds like but it was one of those "throw anything" out days in our neighborhood and down the street from our house was a computer, monitor and printer. When I first saw it I thought that it was a huge waste to just throw that out that it could be donated and used by someone who might need it. So I decided to pick it up. I took the monitor and printer to Goodwill and took the pc to my dad. He gave it a once over and said that it was a really good machine and still works. I decided that it would be a good idea to have another computer to use for things that bog my laptop down, like iTunes and Skype. It would also be nice to have a place to back-up my pictures. So we talked about adding some memory (still not done yet) and putting in a wireless network card so I can print from my laptop without it being chained to my desk. Isn't the whole point of a laptop portability? I finally got my shit together and brought the pc home. I followed my dad's instructions to the T. And wouldn't you know that it just wouldn't work! I should not be surprised. I have quite a knack for breaking technology. I'm not sure how I do it but it happens a lot. Just ask Debbie. I'm worried about what I'm going to do when my dad's not around because he's the guy that can fix just about anything. I've never had to spend a dime on computer repair because he's always around to do it for me. I keep hoping that if I spend enough time around him it will just rub off on me. So far no luck.

One Of Many

2009-07-14T06:18:00.000-07:00

I have lots of things that are one of many. Books, books and more books, post-it notes, pens, hair do-dads but there is one thing that must be everywhere I go. Chapstick. I can not live without my chapstick. I keep one in my purse, on my person (as long as I have pockets), in my emergency kit inside my purse, in my work apron, by my bed, by my computer, in my gym bag, where I get ready for the day and anywhere else I feel I might need one. I used to leave one in the car but it froze in the winter and melts in the summer. Sometimes it comes close to a state of panic if I can't locate one. There's nothing worse than feeling like your lips are on fire and about to burst apart and you don't have a chapstick handy.

I have a favorite flavor, the All Natural. They don't make it any longer, which is typical since I like it so much. I used to use the Lip Moisturizer Vanilla Mint for a long time but one day I saw this All Natural one which has vitamin E, shea and mango butter and I thought "I like all those things so I'll give it a go." I fell in love and the next time I went to find a replacement it no longer existed. I've shopped around to find a replacement but ended up just wasting money and time on products that couldn't really hold a candle to my favorite. I even contacted the Wyeth Consumer Healthcare to see if they had any laying around the factory. They didn't. I always look when I go the store to see if they've brought it back or have some they are trying to unload and one time I got lucky. They packaged something similar in a mom & me pack. It says All Natural but the packaging is different, I've tried it and its as close to my fav as I can find. The only problem is that it comes in a pack with 2 wavy grape. So now I have my favorite flavor and a TON of wavy grape. I still constantly look for it when I go to the store and I'm always tempted to really stock up on the mom & me packs but this shit doesn't last forever and I'm still focusing on keeping things simple.

Isn't it a bummer when a favorite product gets discontinued? Is there something that you just can't live without?

Today I'm A BAMF

2009-05-22T09:48:00.000-07:00

I was at my Dad's house last night and we watched Taken. I think its the worst movie I've seen in a long time. I liked the idea behind it and enjoyed some of the action scenes and the violence but the acting in it was just down right terrible. Megan kept saying through the whole movie what a BAMF Liam Neeson was. And he was, definitely a Bad Ass Mother Fucker!

So today I'm a BAMF because I finally fixed the toilet in my bathroom upstairs. It had started to run a few weeks ago and I can hear it down in my room. The trickling of water through the pipes. So I shut off the water until I could figure out what the problem was. When my dad was here last weekend to pick up the treadmill I had him take a look at it. We discovered that there was some sort of leak from the flapper thingy. So he took it off and told me to get a replacement and that I could fix it myself. I've been dragging this flapper thingy around in my car all week and I've even been to a few stores that may have carried one but kept forgetting to look. So today after the dentist fixed my permanent retainer again I decided to stop and get the necessary part. (I've been on a kick to get my to do list eliminated!) Of course none of the flapper's looked exactly like what I had but I picked one closest and took it to the register. I asked the kid at the register if this was the same thing (with my fingers crossed). He said yes. Now normally I would take said item home and leave it laying around for another week or so until I got tired of looking at it and then I would get around to fixing it. Not today. Today I'm a BAMF. I went right upstairs when I got home, sat on the toilet and plugged the hole.

There is such a feeling of accomplishment when you get something done that you weren't really sure you could do. But I did it and I'm really proud of myself. Its all about the simple things in life that give us enjoyment and satisfaction.

I'm still doing good on my no TV in the day. Another thing that I wasn't really sure I could do but I'm a couple of days into it and feeling really great about it!

No TV During The Day

2009-05-20T11:14:00.000-07:00

I've really been focusing on being more productive and taking things head on. I moved my Weight Watcher's meeting to Mondays because I thought it might help me get going and not sit on the couch all day watching TV. Now Tuesday has become the new Monday and its really starting to piss me off! Now, I realize that this is ALL my own doing anyway but I keep trying to figure out what works the best for me. I don't feel like I have to be productive all day long but it seems like once I sit down and turn the TV on all is lost. There is one good aspect of having a lazy day, I usually feel bad and the next day I get quite a bit done. Today has definitely been productive. I got up early today (5:30 am) sifted through some papers, went for my hour walk, cleaned out items in the garage for donation, vacuumed the main floor, mopped the kitchen, bathroom and entry, cleaned the bathroom, tons of laundry, and some tidying in my bedroom. So all in all I feel pretty good about today. I still have a ton on my list but I've decided to take the attitude that I'm just going to keep chipping away at it.

Back to my new goal: no TV during the day. I know that this is going to be difficult because I absolutely LOVE TV. I think that if I can really crack down and not watch TV during the day I'm going to feel much better about the things that I get done. I do have to be careful about trying to replace it with other activities that end up distracting me from my purpose. Its gotten so bad that even when I sit down to eat a meal I have to have the TV on and I know that it's just a horrible distraction that I allow myself to use to avoid doing the things that I don't really want to do. I'm really hoping that this will also be a great aide in my quest for simplicity. Did I mention that I've become addicted to Wife Swap? I think that really says it all. What a waste of time...

Target: the place for all things

2009-04-27T15:20:00.000-07:00

Went to Target today to find those kiddie divider plates for portion control and had a panic attack. Yep. In Target. I was thinking that Target is supposed to be one of those happy places, where you find all the things that you needed and of course some (or most) of the things that you didn't. Probably looked like a lunatic wandering around looking for the plates telling myself to calm down. I wish that it had worked. By the time that I made my way up to the register I was seriously thinking about lying down on the floor and trying to calm down. I was doing my deep breathing and just could not settle. I am seriously concerned here. I did have the rest of my blueberry coffee this morning but I'm thinking that only contributed to this event and wasn't the actual cause.

Woke up in the middle of the night with the light on and I know that I turned it off before I went to bed so this could mean some serious night walking. I know I didn't leave the room because I had some boobie-trap fans set up by the stairs from my cleaning session the day before. Usually when the lights get turned on and I can't reach from a safe place in my bed then it means my legs have been taking me places I don't remember going. I know that this is a result of the high anxiety I've been experiencing lately. Sheesh! wouldn't you be worried if you know that you've actually left rooms to go running almost off the roof or left apartments in the middle of the night? When I was a teen my bedroom had a flat roof attached and there was a door that led out on to it. One night I went tearing out there and ended up at the edge of the roof before I realized what I was doing. It was quite an ordeal to wake up a family member so I could come back inside and go back to bed. Not to mention that it was also raining that evening so I as wet, cold, barefoot and freaked out! My first year at Culinary school my room mate Mindy told me that one night she woke up and saw me leaving the apartment in my undies and tank, she called out to me and I didn't answer and she was afraid to wake me because of something she read about sleep walkers being violent when woken. Who the heck knew what happened when I left except I did make it back to the apartment and bed none the wiser.

I'm hoping I can alleviate some of this anxiety so I can get back on my track here. Wouldn't you know that I'm finally making progress with my schedule and getting in my walks. Don't need the anxiety to be messing things up.

Personal Sanity Advisory = High

2009-04-26T17:47:00.000-07:00

For reasons not yet known to me today has been a HIGH anxiety day. It started out okay. I got up and went to Church, made it there with plenty of time to spare. (Its always a good day when you don't have to do the walk of shame at Church. They close the doors after the priest enters and if you get there after then they make you wait in the foyer until the opening prayer is done.) After Church I went for my weekly treat of 7-11 Blueberry coffee and a donut. Came home enjoyed my donut and light breakfast. Drank about half my coffee, saving the rest for later in the day or the next morning. I know, I'm one of those crazy fools who actually nukes their coffee later. I say it still tastes the same to me! Then I made my way to the gym, but since I made a breakfast I didn't have time to get on the treadmill before Yoga class. Waited in line for Yoga. On Sunday's there are a lot more people who come to the class than on the weekdays and we have to wait for the step aerobics class to finish. Once we were given the green light to enter I laid down my mat in my usual spot and waited for the class to start. We're in the smaller room but there is still plenty of room for about 50 people to fit...if everyone is considerate and lays their mats accordingly. So the class filled up and we were starting our beginning relaxation and more people were still coming into the room trying to find space. There was some space in front of me but not enough to lay the mat down vertically so the lady laid her mat down horizontally. When we started the beginning movements I re-arranged my mat so that the lady in front of me could move hers horizontally, but just as I was going to tap her and let her know someone else came in and the girl who was next to me got asked to move over. To say the least it was weird having someone right in your face the whole time and there wasn't any way to really avoid it because of the way that people had arranged their mats. I had already had a panic attack during the beginning relaxation and was really feeling claustrophobic with this lady basically staring me in the face. Clueless to the right of me was doing her sun salutations right at the top of her mat, if she had taken a step or two back we wouldn't have been lined up and I could have felt slightly less claustrophobic. As it was I couldn't really move my arms because I would have been knocking her in the face with my hands, although on second thought maybe that's what I should have done and then she might have moved. Usually Yoga calms me down and really helps with the anxiety but today I think it just intensified it. I spent the rest of the class trying to calm down and was never really able to achieve that. I then decided to get on the treadmill for a bit. Relaxed in the hot tub and steam room for a bit then got ready and headed home for lunch. Re-heated a burger, flipped the plate onto my beige carpeting and spent 15 minutes trying to get ketchup cleaned up. I have the best carpet!!! So far everything I have spilled on it has come up. Since I'm a spiller this comes in real handy. After my burger I thought that I would relax for a bit before I finished the laundry and worked on some filing, but the anxiety roared to life with full force. I hate the way the anxiety makes me feel, churning in my gut, antsy, overwhelmed...I turned into this whir-wind of activity. I just had to do something to alleviate this anxiety and since I had already worked out I needed another outlet. I folded 2 loads of laundry, un-loaded and re-loaded the dishwasher, vacuumed the stairs, shampooed the stairs, went through the rest of my magazines pulling articles, un-loaded the dishwasher, scoured the stove, ate dinner...AND I'm still feeling like a bundle of nerves! I guess the good thing out of this is that I'm getting quite a bit done. I hope I can sleep okay tonight. I'm bummed because I had wanted to finish my coffee but no way was I going to put caffeine into my system. Who knows what else I can accomplish this evening.

Still Figuring Things Out

2009-04-22T12:55:00.000-07:00

Hi. My name is Erica. I'm recently unemployed. Well... if you consider 5 months recent! I've been trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life. I'm currently 27 years old and I still live at home with my mother. This delights neither of us. My more recent position was a server at an semi-upscale Steak House in the Chicago burbs where I worked for 3 years. Unfortunately I was "let go" from there about a week before Thanksgiving. Their reasoning was that I had a customer complaint that night and apparently I had other issues that were notated in my file. Everything there was held against you until such a time as they could fire you.

Anyway...I figured I would use this forum as a way to start moving on with my life. I'm tired of being angry, confused and hungry all the time. I have a lot of issues so there shouldn't be a lack of things to talk about. I decided a long time ago that I needed to simplify my life and I've been making great steps towards that but it really takes some time to sift through all the crap and really get down to the nitty gritty of things. So here's to getting down to the nitty gritty!