Target: the place for all things

Went to Target today to find those kiddie divider plates for portion control and had a panic attack. Yep. In Target. I was thinking that Target is supposed to be one of those happy places, where you find all the things that you needed and of course some (or most) of the things that you didn't. Probably looked like a lunatic wandering around looking for the plates telling myself to calm down. I wish that it had worked. By the time that I made my way up to the register I was seriously thinking about lying down on the floor and trying to calm down. I was doing my deep breathing and just could not settle. I am seriously concerned here. I did have the rest of my blueberry coffee this morning but I'm thinking that only contributed to this event and wasn't the actual cause.

Woke up in the middle of the night with the light on and I know that I turned it off before I went to bed so this could mean some serious night walking. I know I didn't leave the room because I had some boobie-trap fans set up by the stairs from my cleaning session the day before. Usually when the lights get turned on and I can't reach from a safe place in my bed then it means my legs have been taking me places I don't remember going. I know that this is a result of the high anxiety I've been experiencing lately. Sheesh! wouldn't you be worried if you know that you've actually left rooms to go running almost off the roof or left apartments in the middle of the night? When I was a teen my bedroom had a flat roof attached and there was a door that led out on to it. One night I went tearing out there and ended up at the edge of the roof before I realized what I was doing. It was quite an ordeal to wake up a family member so I could come back inside and go back to bed. Not to mention that it was also raining that evening so I as wet, cold, barefoot and freaked out! My first year at Culinary school my room mate Mindy told me that one night she woke up and saw me leaving the apartment in my undies and tank, she called out to me and I didn't answer and she was afraid to wake me because of something she read about sleep walkers being violent when woken. Who the heck knew what happened when I left except I did make it back to the apartment and bed none the wiser.

I'm hoping I can alleviate some of this anxiety so I can get back on my track here. Wouldn't you know that I'm finally making progress with my schedule and getting in my walks. Don't need the anxiety to be messing things up.